Recap of April 2013

Scout Platoon in Vivo City

Cohesion in Adventure Cove

In Genting Highlands

Next up the month of April! The month of April is an interesting one cause I flew to Taiwan on the 19^th, but before I flew we had our fun in JB, Battalion Cohesion and Genting, then followed by Taiwan!

The ladies sending us off in the airport

On the 4^th of April, after I booked out I went over to C’s house and hang out then the next day of the 5^th we went to Johor to have supper with Adeve Guoren and Adel. The next day of the 6^th, I went over to C’s house for dinner, and then chilled with Frank and Dong Han at night. On the 7^th, I had left hand driving course with GS in the afternoon for Taiwan, then after the course we went to Ice Edge for dinner with C’s friends. The next weekend on Friday the 12^th. We had our battalion cohesion in Adventure Cover. After the cohesion I went home and rest then went to play poker at night. The next morning on the 13^th, I went to pick up the rest of my stuff from Alyson’s house, and then waited for C to come meet me since she went to her friend birthday party. We watched Olympus Has Fallen at Jcube then ate supper at Kungfu Paradise. Booked in on the 14^th, then booked out the next day since me, GS, C and Natasha was going to Genting from 16th-18^th. On the 16^th early morning then took the coach down to Genting. The first day, we just walked around, eat and went bowling. The second day we hit the outdoor theme park, then chill together at night then make our way back to Singapore the next day. On the 19^th, that was the day when we have to fly to Taiwan. Me, C, GS and Natasha went to grab dinner at Quality Hotel for some vegetarian buffet before we made our way to the airport and said our goodbyes, but what we didn’t know was it was really “The Goodbye.” 

The 3 "Prisoners" Going to Taiwan

C sending me off to the airport

Me & Guansan the night we booked out

Recap of March 2013

At The Machine Gun Live Firing

Okay, next up for the month of March! March was a very double date feel month with Guansan and Natasha. With a lot of long weekends, lots of Thursday book out, Monday book in month!

Egg Yolk Carbonara & Steak I Cooked

Me & My Cousin Sean in Esplanade

Booked out on the first day of March, Friday. Booked out early that day so I went to get a haircut and run some errands then went home and watched Young and Dangerous as I stayed home and waited for C to come over then we watched the movie Love together. On the 2^nd of March, we watched Jack The Giant Slayer with Sin, Szeto and C then we grabbed Zhi Char for dinner. On the 3^rd, Skyped my mom as any Sunday then we went to meet Guansan and Natasha in Marina Square for bowling. After bowling we went to grab ice cream in Esplanade, Haagen Daz then ate dinner at Xin Wang. On the 4^th, we slept through the whole afternoon then C cooked breakfast for us, chilled at home then went for dinner at Jurong Point MOF before I had to book in. The next weekend on the 8^th, I had my machine gun live firing and luckily it ended before 2359. Rajiv gave me a ride home on his bike, reached back Jurong in 20 minutes. On that Friday, C stayed home and hung out with Frank and her brother so I just stayed home and chill. The next day on the 9^th, I went to run some errands went I woke up, went to the bank and repair my watch then went over to C’s house to have dinner with her family. After dinner we went to meet GS and Natasha at Plaza Sing to watch Ghost Child. After the movie GS and C came over to my house to chill, then we had a bro night talking about some heart to heart stuff. On the 10^th, me and C slept in till about 4pm then met up with GS and Natasha in Bugis where we grabbed dinner in Soup Spoon then we went to Vivo to watch 21 & Over. On the 11^th, we went to the post office in the morning when we woke up since C needed to send some stuff then we grabbed breakfast at Malaysia Boleh then I had to book in after that. On the next weekend the 15^th, I went over to C’s house after I booked out then send her to school. Then I went to Fairprice to get a fan and shoe rack since the new tenants was coming in. After school C came over then we went to Jcube to grabbed dinner at Kungfu Paradise then went home and watched Flight together. On the 16^th, C had to go to her friend house warming party, so I just stayed home and cleaned up since the tenants was coming in then went to eat dinner with Sin & Szeto, after dinner we went to Clark Quay then Zouk with C & Natasha. The next day on the 17^th, we grab Prata downstairs when we woke up, chilled at home then grabbed dinner at Watami Jcube before I had to book in. The next Thursday, I booked out on the 21^st, I went to Esplanade to meet C then my cousin Sean since he is in town then we head to Butter Factory that night then went over to C’s house and crash. The 22^nd, C had to go to school so I went home and do laundry then we met in town with GS & Natasha to watch Side Effects then we went to TCC and chilled. On the 23^rd, I cooked dinner for C’s family then I went home since she had to go over to her friend relatives funeral. The next weekend on the 26^th, I booked out on a Tuesday then went over to C’s house and stay over since I had to wake up in the morning and went Sao Mu with the family. On the 28^th Thursday I booked out again, we went for supper at Scissor Curry Rice with Adeve and GR then chilled at C’s house. On the 29^th, we grabbed dinner at Pastamania in NEX then we ran into Frank. That’s went I met Frank for the first time, after dinner we met Natasha and GS then went to Cine together to watch IP Man. The next day on the 30^th, we woke up in noon went to meet GS & Natasha in Chinatown to settle our Genting Trip then grabbed dinner at Herbivore then catch GI Joe at Great World City. After the movie we went to grab a drink at Holiday Inn then went home. On the 31^st, was a lazy Sunday, just stayed home rest all day, grabbed dinner in Jurong East then booked in.

Dinner at Herbivore

Bowling in Marina Square

Recap of February 2013

Playing with bubbles in Equarius Hotel

Hello everybody! So I know I haven’t been updating my blog recently. Been quite busy and less emo that’s why never really been writing. The last updated was in end of March, but a lot have happened since Chinese New Year period in February so we should pick it up from there, long catch up with what’s been going on in February!

Me & Charms in The Aquarium

Me & Charms in Zouk

After CNY weekend was Valentines weekend, on the 15^th of Feb after I booked out on a Friday night, I went to Equarius hotel in Sentosa to meet Quanman, Sin, Szeto, WeiQuan, Charmaine, Cheryl, Stephanie, Michelle and Angie in Quanman’s hotel room to celebrate our Valentines weekend. On 16^th, we went to Vivo to eat after we checked out of the hotel then we went to Sin’s house at night to gamble. On 17^th Sunday, Skyped with my mom then cooked breakfast for C. Then we slept till the evening went to NEX together then I stayed over at her house.  On 18^th, C and me headed to the Sea Aquarium, watched “Journey to the West” in Vivo then we went to Sentosa Boardwalk to have desert and chill in Queens then went home and rest before I got activated the next morning since I was in standby. The next following weekend on the 22^nd, after I booked out, I went to met C for dinner then send her to school just so she can go mark her attendance, then I went over to Sin’s house to play poker then C came over too after she woke up from her nap. On the 23^rd, we woke in the afternoon then went to Bedok to eat dinner with C’s family, then went to her family BBQ in the east followed by Zouk at night. On the 24^th, we pretty much slept in then went to bought groceries then cooked dinner for us before I had to book in.

That pretty much sums it up for the month of February. Thinking back, Feb was actually quite a fun month, with CNY and Valentines with all the amazing people I’m with to make it memorial.

March 25th 2013 "The Feeling of Heartache"

The truth always hurts. All good things always comes to an end sooner or later, especially for me. I always get my hopes up too far or plan to far. At the end of the day it all gets shattered. People come and go way to often in my life, for one moment we are in love the next we are complete strangers. I just need someone to stay in my life for good. I hate starting over, I started over far too many times. Sometimes I'm not even sure of my feelings anymore. Every girl I get with will dissappear from my life sooner or later. I've realized all my past relationships, it's always the girl that left. It just hurts so bad. In my eyes I'm far better compared to the guys out there, I don't cheat, I give in my 101% in a relationship and I love genuinely. Of course I'm not perfect, I make mistakes too but it's all minor ones. I'm learning and changing for the better as I get older but I feel no one will appreciate. It's just my luck probably, all I want is someone to grow old with, someone to be my side and learn from our mistakes together. I always care too much, think too much which is becoming a problem. Maybe it's time to just tone it down and start not giving too much into things. I hate to admit it but I do have trust issues, I can tell someone I trust them but then again when I look at myself from a different perspective it doesn't seem like it. For this I really blame it on my past for the paranoid jealousy type of guy I am today. I was crushed badly over and over again and I don't think I can ever be normal again. Its gonna haunt me for the rest of my life. Every girl will probably think I don't trust them or so, but the problem it's not on them it's just my mind. I do understand every girl is different and they are not the same but I'm just scared. The image of the past will just cloud my mind and there I go starting to thinking too much again. I'm sorry.

Anyways, had a heart to heart talk with C this weekend and things made more sense now. The told me the hard truth, reminded me that we had an expiration date. She doesn't want to put so much effort and watch everything end when I return back to the states. She told me that this is as far as we are gonna go and I shouldn't put so much effort on us too. It was like another stab to my heart when I heard that, but it was the hard truth and I needed to hear that. It really sucks though, just because the fact that I'm going back to US soon, we won't be able to give each other our full effort and be in a happy relationship together. I asked her, so what if I didn't have to go back, you think we will have a future together? Straight away she answered me coldly she doesn't want to think so far. It was like Dejavu all over again, I hate it so much when girls are so cold. Deep down inside I really hate her ex for what he has done to her. He really ruined this amazing girl life, now she might not be able to love anyone the same ever again for what he have done. She's scared to fall for anyone again because she doesn't want to go through this pain ever again. Living with this mentality less expectation less disappointment. Just because of one person actions the rest will suffer, it's so unfair. She might try to put this happy go lucky image but I can see the real pain beneath her. It's true that I don't know her that well yet, but it's sucks to not have the chance to get to know all of her. I just have to face the fact that what she says it's true. We shouldn't really give in too much since we have an expiration date, no matter how amazing everything might get, it all will end in September. But I do secretly hope we can give each other our everything, fall in love and in September we end it on a good note and who knows the future maybe we can have the chance to continue what we have now. It's a long shot but nobody knows, anything could happen. Of course, that's the more fairytale type, I totally understand she doesn't want this, she doesn't want to feel the pain again, the pain of someone leaving ever again so why go put yourself in the heartache. Meanwhile the remaining 5 more months I hope that we can just gonna keep going with this flow because she does make me happy and I hope she feels the same too. But I won't surprised that we drift away slowly as it gets closer to September, especially after my overseas training next month at Taiwan for 1 month. It's like one month of not seeing each other all the feeling can just fade away just like my previous overseas training in Brunei, once I come back her heart was gone. I feel like the more she feels like she is closer to me the more she will try to fade away too. So I'm somewhat mentality prepared. It hurts so bad, but live goes on. I just hope that I can keep her genuinely happy every time we spend time together, cause she does keep me genuinely happy and I'm thankful for that. The last thing I want to do is to hurt her I wished she understand that.

March 24th, 2013 "The Feeling of Loneliness"

I've definitely been thinking too much lately, and its just killing me softly. I'm pretty sure its the fact that im returning to the states in about 5+ months and my life is just a blur now. It's like a roller coaster ride, for a moment I feel like the happiest kid in the world, the next thing I know I feel like im all alone in this world. The funny thing is that nothing really changed, just how my mind see stuff in its own perspective. At this very moment right now, I feel like I lost all my friends and people are slowly just fading away one by one. The rate its going im pretty sure I will be leaving Singapore all alone without saying goodbye to anyone. I really treasure all my friendships. The fact that I dont have that one person to call my "best friend" really sucks. I have absolutely no one to go to, no one to talk about my problems to. So right here is my only getaway, Blogger. My close friends that I thought they were are definitely starting to fade away from me. Not that any of us did anything wrong, but just maybe in my eyes they are like brothers to me, but in their eyes im just another person. In a week, I will be in Singapore for exactly 3 years now. In this 3 years I didnt really accomplish much. I can say within this 3 years I only know gotten a chance to meet a handful of people but it's funny because not a single one really knows me, or gotten the chance to really sit down and have a heart to heart talk with. There is not a single person I can let things out to, so I just keep everything inside of me which is fucking painful to live on everyday like this.

My love life is another thing. So recently I have been dating this girl for about 3 months now. We still carried on dating each other even knowing the fact that I will be returning to the states in September. We just went with the flow, never really think too much. I told myself not to get too emotional attached, or I'll backfire on us when I will have to go back to the states. Three months of dating passed, and deep down inside I know that I've fallen for her. The main question in my mind is what are we? Who does she see me as, Am I just another guy in her eyes? We said that we are just dating but it definitely feels much more than that, the fact that I think I am actually in love with her. If I really see us as just dating, I wouldnt be feeling the feelings I have right now. The closer I get to her, the more I care and the more sensitive I get. Im keeping quiet about a lot of things, just because I dont think I have the right to tell her what to do, or change her ways. Who am I to tell her what to do, Im just another guy. The more I care about something the more im hurting myself. I'm afraid of loosing her, but the way my mind is right now I will probably drive her crazy and loose her in no time. Every time she can be just talking to one of her guy friends, and Im thinking that they have something going on when I know they are just friends. It's my past, the past really did fucked me over, being this paranoid little bitch now, thinking that every girl will just cheat on me and step right over me. Deep down inside I hate it when girls talks to like ten other guys everyday, it's like I'm not your main priority, I'm just another option, but I cant say anything because Im just a nobody and I dont want her to change anything just because of me being paranoid, I rather her be herself, let her do the things that makes her happy, and see if I can deal with it. If I cant, then maybe she's not for me. The main thing in a relationship is happiness and being yourself. If you are not being yourself, eventually your true colors will come out and you wont be happy.

Im going insane here day by day. I feel like im just living in this world all myself. I just feel that all good things will end eventually for me. Everyone is slowly fading away from me. Next thing I know, im all alone again. I just hate being alone, I've practically been alone my whole life. I need someone by my side through everything and just promise me that they will be there. My over thinking is slowly starting to kill me, there is just so much in my mind. It's like my mind can explode any moment now and I've been getting really bad mood swings lately. One minute I can be laughing and happy the next minute I can be angry and sad. I dont even understand myself sometimes, then how can I expect someone to understand me. Im just a fucked up boy, no wonder everyone is slowly fading away from me. I dont blame them, I hate myself too.