September 26th, 2012 "Summary of 3 Key Things.."

This 3 weeks has been one of the more interesting weeks, lots have happened, lots of things in my mind definitely, well mainly there's 3 things to focus on firstly its about me and Apple. As this 3 weeks past and I told myself to move on. Well I must say I tried. I told myself to not think too much about it and just go on with my life but I have to admit I miss her. Every once in a while I will still read her twitter, facebook or blog to see if there is anything about me. From the looks of it at the moment, it seems like she's moved on. Looks like she met someone new. Deep down inside it hurts me deeply but I can't do anything but just wish nothing but the best for her. Supposedly we agreed on a clean break but now I feel that we are still in a huge mess. I still don't know what exactly happened between us, what's she thinking. Still so many unanswered questions. We agreed on not being strangers but we are like completely strangers now, she said she needed time and I gave it to her. She says she feels suffocated, so I let her do her own thing. I don't even know why am I still thinking so much about us. It's like I went against the world for her. I really want to know what our one year together meant to her? Was it love or was it just a test/game? How could something that was going so good just ended like this? Does she still love me or have feelings for me? .. So many questions in my mind, but meanwhile I can't do anything about it just let fate do its thing. If we are really meant to be then she will be back to me overtime. Meanwhile I'm just trying not to think too much about it and do my thing, just wish nothing but the best for her, hope that she will take care of herself, and hopefully the new guy will treat her right and make her happy since I couldn't do the job right.

Second this I wanna focus on is about Clara, I know I didn't say much about what's on my mind between us on the other posts but let's just say I started to had feelings for her definitely but just too bad she had to move to UK otherwise we could of have chance to be together. With Clara its sort of different, I feel like she understands me quite well even though she just met me for 3 weeks but she knows what I'm thinking at times. Like I told her, I don't want to get my hopes up and disappoint ourselves so we will let fate decide on this and just see how things go in the future, anything can happen really. She's going to be in UK for 3 years, but in less then 1 year time I'll be going back to U. I just hope that we can remain this friendship for now, and maybe when she comes back for holiday next time we can pick it up from there. She also told me straight forward that she can see I still stressed about my ex right now, she doesn't want to be flirting with a guy that's still not over his ex. I totally understand her, cause the last thing I want is to make her feel that I was using her to get over my ex. I really need to find an answer to my all my unanswered questions and either close the chapter or continue our story with apple before it drags any further. In these 3 weeks I really felt a connection with Clara, actually start to have feelings for her, but the fact that its true that I'm still not over Apple and its very unfair for her at the moment. We will just have to see how things go in the future and what happens in the future. Meanwhile she's still being a very awesome friend, listening to my problems and making me smile awkwardly at my phone everyday :)

The third thing I wanna touch on is Family. This weekend made me realized how important family was, it made me really think about my family. I realized my grandfather passing actually brought the family much closer, it was the first time I could sit down with my father and tell him how I feel and how much I love them and he did the same and opened up to me. I can see with my own eyes the way my father looks at my grandfather in the casket, even though he didn't cry but I can see the pain in his eyes. I realized how much my parents loves me deep inside, my mom's friend Cecilia told me stories of how my mom would take care of me by herself when she was a young girl, the real story between my biological father and my mother. All the shit my parents have went through just for me. I love my parents so much. My parents might not be the best at expressing their love and care for me but I know deep down inside both of them are always worried for me, care for me. My mom told me to faster finish army, come home to US and we can be a family once again. She told me the reason why she wants to open a restaurant is so we can bond as a family working together, its not about the money, its about the happiness as a family. Words can't describe how much I love my family, I finally realized the importance of a home, a family. I can't wait til I'm back in US and finally be a good son to my parents, they really deserve it. I have done nothing to make them happy in the past, its time I do something right.