Honestly I miss us. I miss how I would hold you think and kiss your forehead, I miss how we would play around and make each other laugh, I miss how you say you love me too , I miss when every time I go home you will kiss me goodbye, I miss our tight hugs, I miss when we just hold each other and kiss, I miss being us.
2 weekends have passed since we broken up. Well the good thing is that we still keep in touch, we are still being "best friends". I'm trying to take things slowly taking one step at a time. Not trying to rush anything but deep inside I just want her back already. She's been going out with her friends, drinking, partying, enjoying her single life while I'm just waiting for her to come back, just waiting for whenever she have time for me then we hang out. Every weekend she find something, either is clubbing, drinking, going JB or whatever. I'm trying not to interfere with her life , but deep down inside I'm still worried, deep down inside I still don't see her just as a friend to me I still feel like we're together. Her pictures are still in the frame, and I'm still wearing our ring. She says she enjoy her single life, but I told her even the single life will get old after while and you will wish that you are in a relationship. Maybe she won't feel this way because somewhat I'm still there. She told me it seem like I'm the only one that wants her, the only person that really want to be with her and said that I'm the only one she's comfortable with and can see us married in the future but she said it in a very sad tone. What's so bad about it? I don't understand. Am I not good enough for her? I really want to know does she really want to work this out or just watch me suffer? The only request I have from her is to be less cold hearted that's all I ask for just show me more affection, show me that she really still want me to be her man, tell me that the feelings are still there. That's all I ask for. Cause deep down inside I know the feelings are still there but her emotions is telling me that she forcing herself to not to love me. Now I'm starting to think I'm not good enough for her, I'm in camp on weekdays and couldn't accompany her, I don't have much money since I'm in NS, I don't have a car to drive her around, take her out to go eat, drink, play but her friends around her can always be there for her, treat her eat, buy her things, buy her drinks, drink her out and do things together. I feel damn useless.
Her mom is awesome, she's really trying to patch us. I can see her effort keep telling us to hang out more, keep telling us to eat dinner together and chat more. Yesterday I opened up to her confession sort of, told her my past, told her about my rebellious past, how I would fight, do drugs, play with guns, got locked up, smoke and such. I told her everything. In a way she accepted me and just told me that she want to see what I can achieve in 5 years after army and she wants results. I can say all I want about how I've changed and what I want to do but results is what's real. Her mom really motivates me, I even told her about how she became my mother in Singapore and I truly respect her. She also open up to me and told me about her very interesting past. We chatted through the night and I stayed over at her house. I wanna grow up and change to prove to the world that I can become something, not just to prove to the people that doubted me but also myself to show myself I can accomplish something in life. I promised myself that I will make it and go far.
I still don't know what's on her mind and what she wants to do, but I just hope she makes up her mind soon. I'm really giving all out for her. I just need to know what's on her mind. I'm not giving up yet, gonna keep fighting for her and wait for the day we're back together.
No comments:
Post a Comment